Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
