Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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