I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
