Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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