Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
