Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
