meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
