I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
