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if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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