I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize