He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
