Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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