where am i from again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
