I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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