return my video game
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I CAN MOONWALK!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
