Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize