how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
