Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
