I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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