we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize