Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
