Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
