im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
