Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
