Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
