Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
