I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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