if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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