I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
