just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize