its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
