you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize