Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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