just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
