I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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