That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
