I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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