remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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