This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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