I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
