Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
