Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize