i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
