Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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