I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
