He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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