I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize