wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
