the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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