You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize