if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
