i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
