Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
