have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When are your genitals available?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize