at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
