if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
