what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
