Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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