your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
