she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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