I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
