That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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