Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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