is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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