remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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