:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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