You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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