Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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