whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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