i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
