you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
