Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
