Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
