you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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