i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
