Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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