Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
