are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
