I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize