took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
