Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
