Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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