ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
