i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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