fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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