I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
