Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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